• Real teachers grade papers in the car, during commercials, in faculty meetings, in the bathroom, and at the end of the quarter have even been seen grading in church
• Real teachers know that sixth graders get hormones from Santa at Christmas
• Real teachers cheer when they hear April 1st does not fall on a school day
• Real teachers can't walk past a crowd of kids without straightening up the line
• Real teachers never sit down without first checking the seat of the chair
• Real teachers have disjointed necks from writing on boards without turning their backs on the class
• Real teachers are written up in medical journals for size and elasticity of kidneys and bladders
• Real teachers have been timed gulping down a full lunch in 2 minutes, 18 seconds - Master teachers can eat faster than that
• Real teachers can predict exactly which parents will show up at Open House
• Real teachers volunteer for hall duty on days faculty meetings are scheduled
• Real teachers never teach the conjugations of lie and lay to any grades above fifth
• Real teachers know the best end of semester lesson plans can come from Blockbuster
• Real teachers know the shortest distance and the length of travel time from their classroom to the office
• Real teachers can "sense" gum
• Real teachers know the difference among what must be graded, what ought to be graded, and what probably should never again see the light of day
• Real teachers are solely responsible for the destruction of the rain forest
• Real teachers have their best conferences in the parking lot
• Real teachers have never heard an original excuse
• Real teachers buy Excedrin and Advil at Sam's
• Real teachers will eat anything that is put in the teachers' lounge
• Real teachers never plan discussions for first period or cooperative groups for seventh period during an evaluation
• Real teachers know secretaries and custodians run the school
• Real teachers know the rules don't really apply to them
• Real teachers can remember how many times they have asked John to stop kicking Kerry; how many times they have had to take the pencil away from Brad; who hasn't turned in math page 165; the total number of late assignments for Bobby; that Kelly loses 5 minutes for her recess, but Brittany only loses 3 and how many bathroom trips Dan has had, but can't for the life of them remember their 4 digit ATM pin number!

AND FINALLY,

• Real teachers hear the heartbeats of crisis; always have time to listen; know they teach students, not subjects; and they are absolutely non-expendable!

How to Stay Awake in Teacher Inservices -
Inservice Bingo
(Opens pdf File)

You Might Be a School Teacher If:

• When you are out in public you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior
• Your personal life comes to a screeching halt at report card time.
• Marking all "A"s on report cards would make your life SO much simpler
• You want to slap the next person who says, "It must be nice to work 8 to 3:20 and have summers free."
• You laugh uncontrollably when people refer to the staff room as the "lounge".
• You believe chocolate is a food group.
• You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.
• You've ever had your profession slammed by someone who would "Never DREAM" of doing your job.